Tracks ranked from best to worst:
Best
5½ . / She Left Me For A Destitute Quadraplegic Because
Of The Good Sex
OK:
04. My Girlfriend's Dead 03:14
09. I Want To Be A Salamander 04:22
02. Dicken Z. Dogue 02:57
So stupid that I later chuckled at how stupid it was, which promotes
it out of the really really bad category:
03. Dad Porks A Train 00:59
Not quite OK:
07. That's Life 03:43
11. L.A. Acid Brain 03:31
pretty bad:
5. Unplugged/
10. Trash 03:01
01. Max Gets Axed 03:13
really really bad:
08. Family Reunion 00:52
06. This Is A Thrill 08:52
Worst
Songs listed in track order:
01. Max Gets Axed 03:13
A bizarre profanity filled tirade about musicians who won't wait 6
months to record an album. Something that few people might relate
to and even fewer would find listenable or entertaining.
02. Dicken Z. Dogue 02:57
Song also known as "If I were different". That is if it were
known at all, but it isn't, because it's too strange. It sounds OK
and there are some sentences lines that are OK, and background vocal guy
is pretty cool. Look for dirty words in the title and yee shall find.
03. Dad Porks A Train 00:59
When I got to track #7, I suddenly chuckled about how stupid track
#3 was. I don't want to give away the whole plot, but it involves
a guy named Dad who lays his dick on the train track and the train runs
over it. Oops, that's all there was, so I guess I gave it all away.
04. My Girlfriend's Dead 03:14
Music is pretty good. Lyrics about "I dialed 911 and said hey
operator. My girlfriend's dead, and man, I need another one for drilling."
The song could be faded out early without losing much.
05. Unplugged/ She Left Me For A Destitute Quadraplegic Because
Of The Good Sex 06:52
5 Unplugged: More low quality chatter with mucho reverbo,
similar to track #1.
5½ She Left Me For A Destitute Quadraplegic Because
Of The Good Sex: This song has the right combination of sick humor, good
tune, and not too heavy on obscenities and stupid political comments, so
that it was a hit on The Dr. Demento Show and is included on the Dr. Demento
compilation CD Basement Tapes #4.
06. This Is A Thrill 08:52
More unlistenable chatter with reverb, on the subject of anal penetration.
07. That's Life 03:43
Weak lyrics. Music is not unlike average schlock syntho-pop music
8. Family Reunion
More reverbo chatter, featuring recording hiss and pig sound effects.
Frank Emsley writes:
As to the reverb from hell, it is a long story.
I was extremely new at the whole recording thing and my voice processor
was programmed on the "way overboard" mode. I really didn't realize that
it sounded weird until almost a year after release. Live and learn, I guess.
09. I Want To Be A Salamander 04:22
This is a decent tune. Maybe it would be good enough to
fit in a collection of salamander songs or bad love songs. Another
pointless political comment thrown in. Overall, I like.
10. Trash 03:01
Bad song. Not baaad. Just bad.
11. L.A. Acid Brain
Weak lyrics, poor tune.
Frank Emsley's offer is that if you don't like his CDs you can return
them and pay nothing. I kept mine. He even mailed the CDs before
I paid for them.
The other Mr. Zipp Cd is the 1997 "Over The Edge", which I have yet
to formally review, but it would score about the same as "Unplugged".
Subject: Re: DIY Central
Date: October 18 2000
From: Frank Emsley
Hey Eric...
Killed the AOL account (after all these years).
Pavewalden's dead, too...
New addresses:
frankemsley at hotmail.com
Zipp's fine, just busy making the rent. About
to put all of it on MP3. It'll
be a month or so.
Later, tater...
Frank.